I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
