As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize