It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
