I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
