I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I was not drunk enough for that final.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
