so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
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