she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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