i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
