I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize