Its about making memories worth repressing
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
