Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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