I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
