There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
high people should be assigned attendants
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
