there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
