this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
