i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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