Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
