and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
