There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
