I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
