I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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