I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
