remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
