dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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