I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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