I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize