I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
