You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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