just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
where are my eyebrows?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
