god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
