I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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