He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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