Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
