i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
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Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
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