i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
