It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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