I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
