So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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