Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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