oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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