I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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