There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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