i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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