Swine flu. Run for my life!
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
