they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
