oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
