Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
