Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
