i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
