if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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