SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
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no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
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I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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