Rock
Scissors
Fuck
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
