chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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