I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize
