I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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