My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
