I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
