i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
