dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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