In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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