Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
