I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
