I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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