From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
