no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
