google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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