: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
