I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
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