Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
