I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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