you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
