Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize