I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Randomize
