"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
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who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
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You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize