Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
