When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
