i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
