I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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