just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
