I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize