I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Randomize
